Today I’m attending an event that I’m not really all that excited about. It’s got a multi-part goddess room, a healing room, and a something called a cosmic puja ceremony on the agenda. I’ve been assured I will be Purified and have the most ecstatic experience of my life. I’m completely dreading the entire thing. I’m not sure what it is about this that strikes such resistance in me – I love goddesses, healing, and can even get into purifying ritual ceremonies without much trouble. Maybe it’s the combo of all of them that brings out my Midwestern roots and makes me start sneering and spitting venom.
Yet, for the last two years, “the universe” has conspired to almost guarantee that I am attending this event. Last year I stood in a corner and prayed for it to be over. This year my dear friend has been behind the scenes organizing the entire thing, and there’s no way I’m not going to support her and cheer her on. I would like to be cheering her on from a place of genuine joy and celebration, and that is why I finally decided to face my transformational festival resistance here with you today. I’m inviting you to join me- pick anything (or any group of people) that you’re having a lot of judgment about and fill in the blanks below. Let it be nasty, judgmental, and unenlightened.
This event/these people are____________________________________________________________.
I don’t belong here because I’m _________________________________________________________.
Unlike these people, I would never_______________________________________________________.
This event/these people are way too damn out there and happy and unrestrained.
I don’t belong here because I’m too normal.
Unlike these people, I would never surrender to the spiraling, uncontrolled energy of this event.
Even my answers are not as extreme as I was expecting, considering the level of resistance (read: fear) I have about going to this event. Now we get to do the fun and dreadful part of this exercise. Use the answers you put in the blanks above to complete these sentences:
I’m rejecting the part of me that is_______________________________________________________.
If I stopped judging myself for not being_______________________________, I might be a lot happier.
To embrace all of me, I could try_________________________________________________________.
I’m rejecting the part of me that is way too damn out there and happy and unrestrained.
If I stopped judging myself for not being too normal, I might be a lot happier.
To embrace all of me, I could try surrendering to the spiraling, uncontrolled energy of this event.
It’s an interesting element of psychology that we usually only have intense reactions to what is called ‘disowned parts’ of ourselves. These traits we spot in others either magnetize or repel us until we’re able to see and accept them within ourselves. Despite years of speaking about “the universe” and consulting spirit guides to make life decisions, there is a terrified part of me still desperately trying to cling to the illusion that people think I’m normal. There’s a part of me that fears that if I let go and surrender to that spiraling, uncontrolled energy, I might end up on stage myself, twirling my heart out.
What part of you scares you? How can you offer that part some gentle compassion and acceptance this week? Leave a comment below and let us know what tiny action you can take this week to give that part of you some love.
Now, I need to go put on some glitter, and take my not-normal, happy, surrendered, unrestrained self out for a day of celebration…