Is There an Easier Way?

Have you ever been stuck in a problem that so complicated it’s nearly unsolvable? This week, we’re breaking it down and looking at all the pieces that have made it too overwhelming to solve. This post was inspired by two people who have helped thousands of people change their ways of thinking – life coach and author Martha Beck, and the late Alan Carr, author and quitting-smoking guru. Martha brings us a method and new frame for problem solving, and Alan brings us his unique way of finding the “core” problem.

I’m inviting you to play along with me this week by picking a giant problem of your own. It should be something complicated enough that you don’t yet know how to solve it, and worrisome enough that you are invested in doing so. Some examples might be reducing debt, quitting smoking, changing your eating habits, starting an exercise program, etc. You know what I’m talking about – looming problems that you know you should handle, you want to handle, but somehow you just can’t quite get there. For purposes of this post, I’m using quitting smoking as my problem.

Step #1: Congratulate yourself on having a problem
First, because it means you’re alive. Only the dead have no problems (at least, I assume they don’t.) Second, because it means you have the chance to have some fun. According to Martha Beck, “human beings are happiest right in the zone of learning and problem solving where we are almost too challenged to think of a solution – almost. That is joy.” Shifting out of the dreary, whiny “I have a problem” mindset into one of anticipation is half the battle to problem-solving joy.

Step #2: Brainstorm all the reasons you have not solved this problem yet
In my smoking example, the various reasons I had for not solving my smoking problem included:
“The withdrawal symptoms are so horrible I will need an iron will to quit.”
“Smoking is helping me deal with feelings. If I quit, I will be overwhelmed by repressed feelings.”
“Part of why I smoke is that I love to be outside, and it gives me a built-in excuse to get out.”

List them all out! Any reason why you can’t solve the problem, any component of the problem, anything at all you’ve been telling yourself about this problem.

Step #3: Question every single excuse/reason you have used for not solving this problem

After reading Alan Carr’s amazing, The Easyway to Stop Smoking, I can’t help but wonder if it’s not our fears around problems that immobilize us. To help identify what your blocks are, try asking these questions for each of your ‘reasons’ (the first three borrowed loosely from The Work by Byron Katie):

1. Is this true?
2. Can I absolutely know this is true?
3. Is there any evidence at all that this might not be true?
4. How do people who don’t have my problem deal with this excuse/reason I can’t solve my problem? (for example…how do non-smokers deal with feelings? How do people who have no debt deal with not being able to afford things they need, etc.?)
5. Do I know anyone who has successfully dealt with this problem? Can I ask them how they have handled these excuses/reasons for not solving the problem?
6. Research your reasons for not solving the problem to see if anyone else has a creative way of dealing with this issue.
7. What strengths do you bring to this problem-solving activity? How can you use those strengths to handle the excuse/reasons why you can’t solve the problem? (e.g. can you use your obsessive fact finding to research ways to reduce debt? Can you use your connectedness to ask friends how they handle debt?)

Again taking my smoking example, let’s look at my favorite “reason”:
“Smoking is helping me deal with feelings. If I quit, I will be overwhelmed by repressed feelings.”
I believed this completely. I’ve heard it from friends, from experts, from authors I respect, and from former smokers who suffered floods of feelings when they quit. Did I absolutely know it was true, though? No. Did I somehow manage to cope with these theoretical feeling before starting smoking? Yes! Could I possibly use my decade of therapy to help me deal with these feelings if they did, in fact, arise? I would hope so.

Step #4: Identify the factual, core problem
This is not always easy to see, but if you can get there, it helps to put everything else in perspective.  Here are examples of what I mean by the core problem:
Smoking: “I am a nicotine addict.”
Weight issues: “I eat more than my body needs for fuel.”
Debt: “I spend more than I earn.”
This is a great place to start. Sometimes it gives you the instant-answer to the problem. For me, solving the problem of being addicted to nicotine was easy when I was able to take away all of the bizarre pseudo-problems and fears related to it. (Again, if your problem is smoking, Carr’s book is a godsend. I would nominate that man for canonization.)

Step #5: Ask yourself why?
As in, why do I eat more than my body needs for fuel? Come up with your list of reasons, and then run them again through the questions in Step #3. For example, I saw a psychologist on the Dr. Oz show explaining to a group of very heavy women that they ate because someone in their childhood convinced them they were worthless.  This may or may not be true. It also might be one of many reasons. Just because an expert announces it doesn’t mean it’s true for you. What we’re looking for here is a list of reasons why that have been examined, questioned, and that you have determined are true to the best of your ability. Let’s take a hypothetical list using “I eat more than my body needs for fuel” as the core problem.

1. I think I might have a sugar addiction.
2. I haven’t structured my grocery planning in a way that supports me.
3. I don’t bring lunch to work and always end up eating from the crappy vending machine.
4. I’m afraid of being flooded with feelings if I’m not numbed by food.
5. I don’t sleep enough and am too tired to exercise.

Step #6: Pick one “why”, take one action
Pick any of the why’s that you came up with, and choose a tiny action that you can take towards solving the problem.  Say you chose “I think I might have a sugar addiction” – you could search online for information and symptoms of sugar addiction as a tiny step.

Step #7: Repeat
You can keep on working this, one tiny step at a time, until you solve one of your “why’s” – and even your entire problem.

Step #8: Credit yourself!
For many of us, myself included, it’s very tempting to give up on solving problems that seem huge and overwhelming. Taking tiny steps feels boring and insignificant. Crediting yourself throughout the process by using mini-treats or rewards, and acknowledging all the work you do can be motivators to keep plugging away at the problem.

I would love to hear how you tackle problems. Leave a comment below and share with us your best problem-solving strategies.