7 Building Blocks of Your Social House

For the last several weeks, we’ve been exploring your soul’s land (if you missed it, you can read the posts or pick up the adventurer’s guide – click here to get your copy.)

Your soul’s land is that part of you that is unchanging, no matter what your social situation. While your soul’s land is perfect for you, you need shelter to live and interact with the world. This is what I call your social house – the social constructs that allow you to relate to others and the world.

In an ideal world, your social house perfectly suits your soul’s land.

It’s often easier to see this in an example, so we’ll go through my main categories of what makes up your house and look at an example of where your house works for or against your soul’s land.

Matching Design

The design of your house should complement your soul’s land. Let’s say your soul’s land looks like this:

Your soul’s land calls for you to be free, wild, to have space to roam and explore nature.

On top of this gorgeous land, you build a beautiful Southern mansion:

You should be fairly miserable with this soul’s land/social house combination, because the design of your home (though gorgeous) does not suit your land at all.

What this might look like in real life:

Rebecca was born into a conservative, genteel family who values traditional gender roles. In her family, the ideal job for a woman would be a nurse or teacher, until she has her children, at which point she stays home and raises them. There is no question that she will marry a fine, upstanding Christian man.

Rebecca builds her life according to these social standards, and becomes completely miserable, despite having a perfect looking life. The contrast between her house and her land is slowly eating away at her, and she finds herself longing for a house that suits her.

Her ideal house design might include a daily meditation practice instead of weekly sermons, a job as a travel photographer, an open relationship with her husband, and a more authentic connection with her kids.

(The reverse can just as easily be true – Rebecca might have grown up in a new age commune and longed to be a corporate executive. There’s no judgment involved for either your soul’s land or your house – only for the fit. What is horrible for you is perfect for someone else.)

For most of us, the vast majority of house construction problems lie with fundamental building flaws. We’ll be discussing how trauma interferes with house construction at length over the next several weeks; today we’re looking only at what makes up a well-constructed social house.

Strong Foundation

• The belief that we are whole and complete exactly as we are.
• A deep sense of self-love and worthiness.
• Trust in our bodies and their inherent wisdom.
• A sense of belonging and inclusion in the human tribe.

Strong Framing

• Fluency and acceptance of feelings and desires.
• The ability to provide for ourselves physically, financially, practically.
• A belief that the world is here to enjoy and explore.
• Delight and pleasure in our bodies & sexuality.

Strong Walls

• The ability to identify and maintain appropriate boundaries.
• A trust in our own ability to create safety for ourselves.
• Confidence in our ability to handle whatever comes our way.
• Confidence in our abilities to learn, grow and pursue our dreams.

Clear Windows & Solid Doors

• The ability to be emotionally intimate and maintain a sense of self.
• A trust in our intuitive sense of people and the ability to clearly perceive anyone approaching us.
• An understanding that we are both part of infinity and an individual.
• A natural commitment to quality self-care.

Paint, Design & Decor

• A sense of safety and freedom related to creative expression.
• Soul expression in one’s livelihood.
• Comfort acknowledging and speaking the truth.
• Ability to navigate conflicts with grace and kindness.

Functioning Utilities & Proper Lighting

• Self-awareness and commitment to well-being.
• Perceptiveness about the world around us.
• Ability to see the larger story of our lives & humanity as a whole.
• Trust in our intuition and body wisdom.

Connections (phone, internet), Paths & Walkways

• A sense of connection to something greater than us.
• A recognition of the connectedness of all of life.
• A sense of greatness within ourselves, a seed of the divine.
• An openness to new ideas and experiences.

For those of you familiar with the chakras, you’ll notice the parallel here – while not everything fits neatly into one category, we can see the connection between the chakras and elements of our emotional well-being. (For an excellent resource on this connection, check out Eastern Body, Western Mind by Anodea Judith.)

In the upcoming weeks we’ll dive into how trauma affects these areas of our houses and how we can go about healing them.